Acceptance

I think one of the hardest aspects of lyme (besides how others treat you) while going through treatment is actually accepting the disease. Accepting the fact that I’m sick and will be for awhile was a pretty hard pill to swallow (no pun intended regarding the 30+ pills I take a day). It is very hard to go from being a normal, 19 year old college girl  going to parties and class to pretty much being in bed almost 24/7 with constant dizziness, vision problems, and whatever else I experience on a daily basis. It is one of those things you NEVER think will happen to you until one day it just randomly does. It is a real life changer. For awhile I honestly couldn’t believe that this was my life; I would sit and look at snapchat stories of my friends going out on the weekends or going to football games and it hurt me. It is really weird seeing things from the “outside looking in” so to speak.  Looking at things that should just be normal for a 20 year old to do that I’m not able to do really really sucks. For the longest time I was stuck in the mentality that a part of my life was being taken away from me. A part of the BEST YEARS OF MY LIFE was being stolen away from me by this stupid disease. It’s really hard to not feel this way but I think that’s a bad bad mentality to have while dealing with an illness.  I can’t lie and say it’s not depressing living my life like this, however, I have realized something important and it doesn’t just apply to sickness. What I have come to realize  is that bad things are always gonna happen, whether it be sickness or divorce. No matter what you do to avoid bad stuff it will happen if it is meant to happen. I am one of the believers in the saying ‘everything happens for a reason’ because I think that whatever happens in your life was meant to for a reason. I don’t think things happen randomly without cause. I apply this belief to my Lyme journey. Sure, if I could pick I would choose to not be sick hands down no questions asked but I 100% can’t do that. I can’t just decide to not be sick one day and I cant turn back time to when I got bit by the tick (I wish). I don’t have the power to choose what happens in my life nor does anyone else. So the question I ask myself is this: if I can’t decide my fate and I can’t turn back time to change my fate, why do I bother being upset about it? I think this is a very important question to ask and I think this question can be applied to any situation that happens that doesn’t go as planned. Just like unexpected good things happen, unexpected bad things happen as well. We can’t plan for anything if you really think about it because there are always problems that can arise with ANYTHING you do. So why sweat it? Yeah I can die from this disease..but you can die from driving to work as well, yet you still do it everyday. It’s impossible to predict what will happen but I truly believe that whatever happens in life is meant to happen. Everyone’s journey is different. My problem with health may never be your problem in life but you will have other problems that have already been decided for you.  I think it’s important when bad things happen to sometimes just sit back and ask yourself: if I cant change the outcome and I can’t go back and change the situation why should I get upset? Whenever I find myself being upset about being sick I just remind myself of this and remember that this is my life and this is part of my unique journey and there’s no way I can change it now. Yes I can take medicine and do the treatment but I can’t change being sick nor can I decide to stop being sick so I might as well just be positive and be thankful for the life I have. I know that I will get better and feel ‘normal’ again but Lyme will always be apart of me. I will probably always have some Lyme bacteria in my body but that’s okay because I know how to deal with this situation and there is nothing I can change about it now so I might as well accept it for how it is. I can’t change time or circumstances but I can change my attitude and I think that is most of struggle.

☀☀☀☀☀☀☀☀☀☀☀☀☀☀☀☀☀☀☀☀☀☀☀☀☀☀☀☀☀☀☀☀☀☀☀☀☀️☀️☀️☀️☀️☀️☀️☀️☀️

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